Four Fashion Trends I’m Not Into

This holiday season I’ve spent quite a few hours shopping online and browsing in stores.  I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t bought a few things for myself, and I’ve come across some clothing trends that I just don’t care for, ie infuriate me.

Let me preface this by saying that I realize that I am not a fashion expert.  A few times a week I manage to put together an outfit that looks “cute,” and the rest of the week I get by on jeans, sweaters, and shirts I’ve had for 5 years.  That being said, I am a sane human being, and I know crazy when I see it.

So, in no particular order, here are some inexplicably popular trends that I am wholeheartedly opposed to:

1. “Cropped” Clothing, or, as I refer to them, “Doll Clothes”:  This trend is frustrating.  You see a pretty sweater folded on a retail shelf, pick it up, only to discover it is approximately one-eighth of the anticipated size.  If I were trying to dress one of my breasts or an American Girl replica of myself, this trend would be fantastic.  But I am required by law to dress my whole body, so I’m going to need more than half a shirt.

2. Huge, Long Dresses: The antithesis of doll clothes is the huge and baggy version of the maxi dress (seen here).  How can two opposite trends be equally as popular?  Even models look odd in this type of dress– like they entered a contest to sew a polyester wind sock, but then lost all their clothes and had to wear their unsuccessful craft home.

3. Old Couch Patterns: The last thing I want is for any part of my body to evoke images of overstuffed furniture, but the Old Couch Pattern does just this.  Prints reminiscent of hand-me-down sofas are showing up in pants  and tops, making the youth of America look like the Von Trap Children, donning comfortable clothes made out of any fabric Maria could find in that stale old mansion.

4. “Ironic” Items: Attention fashion designers–sometimes it’s not ironic, it’s just ugly.  I understand and appreciate the fashion industry’s goal to create edgy, forward-thinking, out-of-the-box trends.  (In fact, I’d like to personally thank the designer who, many years ago, woke up one morning and realized, “I can belt anything.”)  But just because a piece of clothing is unexpected does not mean it is attractive or worth buying. This, for example.